all in the family

two dreams in two nights where i'm fighting with my father. the first was kind of strange in that our entire disagreement had to do with my cousin Michael losing his wristwatch at the dinner table - and me apparently disrespecting him and the rest of the family by not having helped looked for it. but then even that argument seemed to have a more serious undercurrent to it, like we weren't discussing wristwatches but something else (my grandmother) completely. last night's dream was more intense and far more realistic. it actually started with my brother. in it, i was kind of calling him out on the fact that he's too quick to dismiss me or anyone and rarely thinks ahead when he's working. then i took it too far - as usual - and got too personal and he storms out, which is when my father walks in. "what did you say to your brother, he was working so well?" and even though i probably overreacted, i hate the fact that my father's only concerns seem to be those of efficiency. so i let him have it. except the second i open my mouth i have the distinct realization that i sound like my Mom - not just in the argument but my actual voice. frustrated, i can't help myself. i want to blame him for forcing me to have to work with my brother. i want to tell him he doesn't understand the cross i have to bear. but i don't go there. it's a heavy argument without anything actually being said.