Last night we went to see my cousin. He tried to kill himself two weeks ago.
He swallowed a bottle of Tylenol in the very same apartment and then called himself an ambulance. There had been no planning. There was no note. He just decided in the darkness of the moment that he wanted out; then perhaps just as easily understood the implications of what he was doing and wanted out again.
Maybe just a cry for help. That's what I kept repeating to myself as I tried my best to read him under his red cap. What's the difference? What do you say to someone who is down enough to even consider putting an end to it all?
In my own life I have learned that it's impossible to convince someone that life isn't as bad as they think it to be in the moment. I have also been on the other side of that discussion. The truth is that in that moment you have nothing going for you and every last piece of your life is broken - or at least perceived to be broken. It's broken because you're broken. And no amount of hollow reassurances can change that.
So we just sat there and talked and ate bad pizza. There were some tough questions, some very palpable frustration and a few hand wringing moments.
But for the most part, we avoided the topic. The way we always do. Maybe the most important thing was just that we were there. Maybe all he needed was a couple of distracting hours; someone to laugh at the televised Charbonneau Commission with.
The sad truth is that we all do most of our suffering alone. We're born alone and we die alone.
He swallowed a bottle of Tylenol in the very same apartment and then called himself an ambulance. There had been no planning. There was no note. He just decided in the darkness of the moment that he wanted out; then perhaps just as easily understood the implications of what he was doing and wanted out again.
Maybe just a cry for help. That's what I kept repeating to myself as I tried my best to read him under his red cap. What's the difference? What do you say to someone who is down enough to even consider putting an end to it all?
In my own life I have learned that it's impossible to convince someone that life isn't as bad as they think it to be in the moment. I have also been on the other side of that discussion. The truth is that in that moment you have nothing going for you and every last piece of your life is broken - or at least perceived to be broken. It's broken because you're broken. And no amount of hollow reassurances can change that.
So we just sat there and talked and ate bad pizza. There were some tough questions, some very palpable frustration and a few hand wringing moments.
But for the most part, we avoided the topic. The way we always do. Maybe the most important thing was just that we were there. Maybe all he needed was a couple of distracting hours; someone to laugh at the televised Charbonneau Commission with.
The sad truth is that we all do most of our suffering alone. We're born alone and we die alone.
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