When it rains, it pours

I can not properly explain the last three months of my life.

So I'm not even going to bother to try. Not right now. For now, I will let all the most painful and beautiful details remain tucked away in emails, texts, letters and conversations. In promises made and promises broken. Let them fill the air like so much incense; so that they may choke the painful sobs that might forever float down the loneliest hallways of my mind.

I hope I never forget this day. The day after my Nonna's 93rd birthday. The day I woke up and realized that we are all very much on our own. That true happiness is fleeting and true misery unavoidable. That you get what you deserve even when you don't deserve it.

It will be the day I met my father and realized just how broken we can all become when we lose ourselves in the clutch of others. It was a conversation we had started years ago, back when I had just finished writing my album and was filled with happiness and hope. It could have been today. He was just as lost then as he was now. And even though my light had gone dim, it was still more light than he had probably seen in years. And so he paced the room as I tried my best to guide the man who had spent so much of his life doing the same. He gave me pessimism and I responded with possibility. And as I heard myself speak, I considered which of us was actually more blind.

But then what does it matter? We all walk through this big world alone and in the dark. The only hope is that somewhere along the line, you find someone with more light than you ever thought possible. Someone who's willing to walk with you into the unknown.

I am ready to spend the rest of my life looking for that person.