I have never felt so scared, so excited and so ambivalent all at the same time.
Tomorrow night I'll be flying somewhere over the Atlantic. In transit. Exactly where I've been for the last four months. Or maybe for the last four years? Who knows anymore. All I know is I'll be heading East. To a new life in India. For the next six months, anyway. Or for however long I can last, depending on who you ask on any given day.
I should probably be more anxious. The truth is I have no concrete plan. Just a Mumbai arrival and a tourist VISA that expires in mid October. A late-night jet lagged airport meeting with the most perfect of strangers, some apartment hunting and then a complete blank slate of 'whatever will be, will be.' Some people tell me I've got balls. Others probably assume I'm just running away and are waiting to see how long I can last. Whatever. This is what happens when you stop rationalizing your life away and listen to your heart and your gut. Shit gets messy. You suffer, you cry and you do everything in your power to break free. You bulldoze expectations, shock your family and inspire complete strangers. You open your heart and pour out your soul. And the Universe finds a way to fill it back up.
It's been a long and crazy Winter. But now it's time to go. And not just because it's literally time to go.
There is nothing left for me to explain. There is no one left to convince. I will go into this new chapter of my life the exact same way I came out of the last: with only the best intentions. I hope everything works out the way I think it can. For everyone involved. Funny thing about life is it almost never really works out that way, does it?
This is the leap of faith we wrote about, Jski. The one that kept us up all those crazy nights. I never thought I'd get to peer over the edge of that darkness again but here I am.
Time to figure out what happens when you come out the other side.
Tomorrow night I'll be flying somewhere over the Atlantic. In transit. Exactly where I've been for the last four months. Or maybe for the last four years? Who knows anymore. All I know is I'll be heading East. To a new life in India. For the next six months, anyway. Or for however long I can last, depending on who you ask on any given day.
I should probably be more anxious. The truth is I have no concrete plan. Just a Mumbai arrival and a tourist VISA that expires in mid October. A late-night jet lagged airport meeting with the most perfect of strangers, some apartment hunting and then a complete blank slate of 'whatever will be, will be.' Some people tell me I've got balls. Others probably assume I'm just running away and are waiting to see how long I can last. Whatever. This is what happens when you stop rationalizing your life away and listen to your heart and your gut. Shit gets messy. You suffer, you cry and you do everything in your power to break free. You bulldoze expectations, shock your family and inspire complete strangers. You open your heart and pour out your soul. And the Universe finds a way to fill it back up.
It's been a long and crazy Winter. But now it's time to go. And not just because it's literally time to go.
There is nothing left for me to explain. There is no one left to convince. I will go into this new chapter of my life the exact same way I came out of the last: with only the best intentions. I hope everything works out the way I think it can. For everyone involved. Funny thing about life is it almost never really works out that way, does it?
This is the leap of faith we wrote about, Jski. The one that kept us up all those crazy nights. I never thought I'd get to peer over the edge of that darkness again but here I am.
Time to figure out what happens when you come out the other side.
No comments:
Post a Comment