i can literally feel my heart tearing at the seams. i can feel the nothingness, welling up like a black puddle in my chest. the grief in my breathing. i don't know how i managed to avoid it for the last three weeks - or is it four? - since everything started to fall apart. again. i ignored it as best i could. averting my eyes to all the bright corners where you used to sit. pretending the cupboards weren't still filled with all your spices and too many drawers still stuffed with all the clothes you left behind. the air still thick with months and months of terrible threats. terrible words. and terrible promises we both never really wanted to have to keep. but now i can no longer hide from any of it. you are gone. and yet you remain all around me. and all i want is to hold your hand and to see you smile. to say i'm sorry. and not one word more.
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